How to manage Sibling Rivalry

Have you ever wondered what causes sibling rivalry and negative behavior in children? I

discussed this topic with a friend of mine who shared her experience as a mom and what is common in her country. 

According to her, in Cameroon, many children resort to suicide or develop negative behaviors due to the fear of failing their parents. She explained that most parents ignore the fact that children are unique, and go through changes but concentrate heavily on turning them into ‘trophy children’, ‘accessories’, or ‘bragging rights’ which is one of the major causes of sibling rivalry . Once she became aware of this issue, she immediately started following up her children both physically & mentally and raised them as individuals with similar and different needs.

I was particularly interested in this topic because I believe it is a common issue in most families. So what exactly is sibling rivalry? According to mayoclinic.org,  Sibling rivalry is the presence of conflict among siblings due to competition or negative comments and name-calling. Most parents try to make their children aim to be the best and might not pay attention to how the children are coping with their ‘strategies’. This may, however, have positive and negative effects on their behavior if not properly managed.

It isn't uncommon to find siblings who resent each other once in a while but when it becomes a pattern that leads to negative behaviors then it certainly needs to be addressed. Although I haven't experienced what it’s like as a parent to motivate a child to perform better, I have experienced the efforts of my parents in managing sibling rivalry when I was much younger. Based on that, my advice is:

• Recognize your children's uniqueness and differences.
• Understand what makes them perform less than expected.
• Communicate effectively with your children.
• Use effective conflict management resolutions.
• Speak with a counselor when necessary. 
• Monitor your child’s behavior and changes.
• Pray.
• Avoid comparison.
• Don't pick on a particular child in the presence of other children.
  
• Don't choose sides when they have issues, correct them when necessary.

What are your thoughts on this topic?